Man of the World
by Reefgirl
Summary: Alone on the night shift Radek Zelenka contemplates the things he has seen and done in his life before and after he stepped through the Stargate to Atlantis, I've changed the layout and edited some words of Peter Green's sad song


Man of the World

The one thing he'd always hated was working nights but for Radek Zelenka this night was a little bit different, he was by himself, no Rodney, no Kavanaugh, nobody but him. He was able to have music playing in the background and coffee within hands reach, even alone he could hear Rodney whinging, about the music, about the coffee so near the computer, about the food, about anything and everything. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, he hadn't been sleeping well, too many things were haunting him as he slept, things that he'd buried for so long were now breaking out of the places he'd hidden them. He filled his coffee cup up again and headed towards the balcony turning the volume up as he went past. This CD was his favorite, a compilation of 'White Boy Blues' from the 60's, it had John Mayall, Cream, Eric Clapton, Fleetwood Mac, all the bands he loved. Many years ago he managed to smuggle the cassette version of it across the West German border, in more enlightened times he'd managed to replace it with a CD bought in Prague. He'd had to smuggled it to Atlantis as he'd gone over his 'Personal Items' allowance when he'd first arrived.

The song changed and he smiled as he recognised the opening guitar solo of his favourite track, Fleetwood Mac's Man of the World, he'd often thought about the words, was Acid already screwing with Peter Green's mind when he wrote it or was it the subject matter of the song that had started him taking the stuff in the first place. He closed his eyes and listened.

_Shall I tell you about my life, they say I'm a Man of the World._

Shall I tell you about my life? I am the son of a factory worker it was the only work my father could get and he was lucky to keep that after the 'Prague Spring'. I remember the tanks on the streets and the Russian soldiers everywhere, the shouting and screaming, I was only a child, no more than a baby then but I hated the Russian soldiers for taking away what freedom we had. A man of the world? I wanted to see the world, I wanted to get out of Czechoslovakia so badly it hurt, now I am a man of the galaxy.

_I've flown across every tide, I've see lots of pretty girls_

I'm on an alien city in the middle of the ocean I've flown across the tide and I've flown under it and I've loved every minute, almost. This is worth the sacrifices everyone made to send me to University and the godawful the years in military service. I was lucky that I graduated in freedom, it took away the the heavy decision of what to do next, work for 'The Party' or try and escape to the West. Yes I've seen lots of pretty girls, some have been friends, some have been lovers and some have been both.

_I've got everything I need, I guess I would't ask for more_

I have the freedom my parents and grandparents fought for, I have made some very good friends here on Atlantis. I've had the chance to travel to another galaxy through the Stargate, I have the chance to study alien technology and study life on other planets. I couldn't ask for more.

_And there's no one I'd rather be, I just wish I'd never been born_

I did wish I'd never been born once, in that cell, after the beating from that Russian 'Liason' Officer. We'd got drunk one night and we'd shot our mouths off about how much we hated the Russians, someone had obviously told him about disloyalty in our platoon and we suffered a week of Punishment Duties. Once, briefly, in that cell I thought about ending it but if I had they would have won, they'd have beaten me and I vowed I would never let them do that. Alexander was not so lucky, I had to tell his mother, I never want to do that again, I pity Dr Weir and Colonel Sheppard they have had to do that so many times recently.

_And I need a good woman to make me feel like a good man should_

She is a good woman but so out of my league, she makes me feel good whenever we meet, but she will never know.

_I don't say I'm a good man, but I would be if I could_

I am no saint, I would never pretend to be, I've done things no-one must ever know about, things I'm so ashamed of that they will go with me to the grave. But now I'm free I hope I am a better man than I was in those dark days.

_I could tell you about my life, And keep you amused I'm sure_

I've told you about my life then, what about now, now we are free. The Party has gone, the Red Army has gone, the Czech and Slovak people have their own independance, my sister Jana has a family of her own that will never know what we knew as children, my father has left the factory. Jana and I managed to buy them a small house with a big garden so father could grow the flowers he loved, now he sells his flowers in the market. Mother is no longer frightened to go to the church, the Priest says he doesn't know what he'd do without her help, my parents are finally happy. Me, I may be billions of light years away from my home but I'm happy, really I am, this is everything a scientist could wish for. Amused? my life has never been amusing but one day I will tell someone about it.

_About all the times I've cried_

I've shed many tears, then and now for friends I've lost and I will shed more no doubt before our time in Atlantis is over.

_And how I don't want to be sad anymore_

I think I've managed to get rid of a lot of ghosts tonight, a lot of 'emotional baggage' as the American's call it. I will be sad for things I've lost now and then, I can't escape it but I don't think I will be as sad as I was about things in my life.

_And how I wish I was in love_

I am in love but I wish I wasn't, she is not for me, what could she ever see in me? I think she is destined to be alone as well.

The computer beeped and Radek blinked at it, the diagnostic was complete at last and as far as he could tell everything was fixed and running as it should be. He felt better than he had for a long time, he'd laid a lot of ghosts to rest, his head felt lighter and finally he would be able to sleep again.

"Hi Radek" said Rodney "How's it going"

"Fine, everything is as it should be" he replied

"You look beat" said Rodney "you feeling ok?" Radek nodded

"A lot better thank you" he replied

"So, what are you going to do with your day off?" Rodney asked

"Catch up on my sleep" Radek said.


End file.
